Rangeman All Male Review
by PricklySare
Summary: A story of Steph's Best Birthday Ever. Ranger and the Merry Men surprise Steph. R/S Pairing HEA. Possible sequel from ending.


**The Rangeman All Male Review**

**By: PricklySare – S. Ortega**

**A/N: As always, I don't own, I'm just borrowing, and sometimes I think I use them so much better than she does.**

**Right now, this is just a one shot, but I may create a sequel. That of course will depend on how many people comment/show and interest in the sequel. Who wants to have a sequel with them in the champagne room?? Let me know, Babes! Hope you enjoy this!**

It was my birthday and my friends, Lula, Mary Lou and Connie had decided that it was going to be the best birthday ever. I personally was more than okay with ignoring my birthday, like I always did. Pretending like it was just any other day, and that I wasn't getting older. Yeah, I was willing to visit Denial land for the day.

My name is Stephanie Plum, and I'm a bond enforcement agent—a bounty hunter if we were to go with the popularly coined term, and I'm getting older. I'm thirty....something, and recently single. Or maybe that is recently, re-single. My on again off again boyfriend, Trenton cop, Joe Morelli, and I are currently in the off stage of our relationship, and it looks like it might stick this time. It isn't that he's a bad guy, he's just not the right guy. At least not for me.

Unfortunately for me, the right man for me has been "in the wind" for six months and I haven't heard from him. It's been pretty lonely without him sneaking into my apartment in the middle of the night, or letting his tongue have it's wicked way with mine in the alley by the bonds office. Even without all that though, I've found myself missing his presence. His support, his friendship, and his constant understanding. The fact that he looks like a walking advertisement for nymphomania doesn't hurt either.

Ranger, or Ricardo Carlos Manoso is my very own man of mystery. Batman in the flesh. His dark hair, eyes and penchant for all things expensive and black make women swoon just from being in the same zipcode. Myself, I think it's his smooth skin the color of mocha with a hint of milk that makes me lose my train of thought. The way his hands feel on me, now _that's_ what ruins my panties. The way he smells sends my hormones straight to orbit...and has made me an unabashed shower gel slut. Mmmm.

I digress. While Ranger's been "in the wind" his security company Rangeman has been ran by his best friend, and second in command—Tank. No, Tank is not his real name, but if I told you what it was I'd have to kill you.... or else I'd be sent to a third world country. It's best if we don't test the theory. I'm really not third world country material. No malls, you know. Anyway, Tank and the rest of the Merry Men that work at Rangeman are some of my closest friends now, and have been keeping an eye on me while their boss is out of the office. I used to let it get to me. Now I just accept it as part of my crazy life.

Fortunately for me, they aren't going to be present for my personal humiliation tonight. I have no doubt they will hear about it, but at least I won't have to see the looks on their faces _while_ it's happening. With the way my life is, you'd think I couldn't get embarrassed. Hah! Lucky me, I have friends who seem to know just what to do to make my life just a little more _entertaining_ for everyone.

Apparently, for the "best birthday,ever" the girls decided that we would check out the new club, _Male Call_ that had recently opened in downtown Trenton. Their plan was to get drunk, dance, have a good time, and enjoy the atmosphere. The atmosphere being the beautiful men walking around in next to nothing—all worthy of being hired at Rangeman. All drool worthy, and none of them Ranger. I had a momentary lust induced fantasy of Ranger stripping on stage, but snapped out of it when I felt the first tickle of drool down my chin. Oops.

The club was packed and we made our way to a table near the main stage. The club was sexy and exotic. All blacks, reds and deep blues. The lights were recessed to give the club a sensual quality and make the patrons believe the lie that the men were available for their every pleasure. A curtain along one side of the club separated the main club from the champagne rooms, and it beckoned in a way that was both sexy and deviant. I would not be experiencing the champagne rooms for my birthday. No way.

Six feet of blonde, blue eyed, muscled, male perfection arrived at our table with a bright and sexy smile. "Welcome to Male Call, Ladies. My name is Shaun and I will be your server tonight. What's your pleasure?"

"Are you on the menu?" Connie asked him with a flirty smile.

"For you? Anything." he replied ramping up the wattage of his smile to near blinding.

"Stop yo flirtin' Connie. This here's White Girl's night." Lula said while I tried to sink under the table. My mother was going be ironing the neighbors' toilet paper when she found out where I spent my birthday. Was it too late to be sent to a third world country? "Shaun, this here's Steph and we're helpin' her celebrate her birthday. Wanna help?" Yes, third world country for one, please.

"Happy Birthday, Beautiful Steph. Glad you've chosen to spend your night with us. Leave everything to me, and I guarantee you a birthday to remember." Shaun said picking up my hand and lifting it to his lips. Hmmm... maybe this won't be too horrible. I guess I could wait on heading to the third world country.

I managed to squeak out, "Okay."

"I'll be right back with your drinks." Shaun said, disappearing into the crowd.

"We didn't order any drinks yet." Lula shouted. "Ah hell. I really need me some alcohol to get this party started."

"You and me both." I mumbled. I looked across the table at Mary Lou and saw her grinning while she looked around the club. She appeared to be having a great time, and the night hadn't even started. Heck, if she was having a good time then it was totally worth the embarrassment.

When Shaun arrived back at our table he brandished a tray filled with four tall glasses of a bright pink drink with a cherry and stir stick topped with.... holy shit.... a very detailed cock and balls. Wow. "All your drinks are on the house tonight." Shaun said. "This is called Birthday Sex. When you ladies are ready for more just press this button." He said handing each of us a lighted blue button that could clip onto our clothes. "It will alert me to your location and I will come to you."

"Wow." We all said in unison.

"Shiiiiit." Lula added when she took her first sip. "That is damn good. White Girl you gotta try this shit."

I took a sip and thought I was going to sigh. It tasted like candy and made me think of sex. Wow. This was really good. "Mmmmmm." I moaned. "Yummy." I felt a blush creep across my cheeks when I noticed that Shaun shifted uncomfortably and I glanced down and noticed his problem. Hellooooo Shaun. I thought. Instead I said, "Thanks, Shaun. This is perfect."

With another smile he turned and walked away and the girls and I enjoyed our first Birthday Sex.

An hour later we were four drinks in and dancing when the DJ quieted the music and said, "We've got a special guest with us tonight!" The crowd clapped and hollered. My spidey sense started tingling and I suddenly had a really bad feeling about this whole thing. "Ladies and gentlemen, lets give a _Male Call_ welcome to tonight's birthday girl, Stephanie!" Shit. There's that bad feeling.

The crowd went wild and I tried to slink back to our table. Lula grabbed my arm and said, "Uh uh. You're stayin right here."

"We've got something special just for the birthday girl tonight!" The DJ continued. "The next performance is dedicated especially to Stephanie. Stephanie, Babe, this one's for you! Lets hear it for _Ranger and his Merry Men_!"

My mouth dropped open. "No freakin' way." I whispered. My mouth was dry, my heart was beating too fast, or maybe it wasn't beating at all. I'm pretty sure I was dead or at the very least dying. Maybe this was a dream? Yeah I was sleeping. That was it.

The lights on the stage dimmed and the club held it's collective breath. I could see silhouettes of big men getting into position on the stage, but I couldn't make out who they were. This had to be an elaborate joke. I could make out the shape of six men standing in a row. Oh shit. When the lights came up my heart really did stop. "Ohmygod. Ohmygod. Ohmygod." I kept chanting. Standing in all their masculine glory of tight black Rangeman tee-shirts and black cargo pants was Tank, Lester, Bobby, Hector, Cal and Hal. All my favorite Merry Men.

The club was totally silent. So silent I could hear the collective sigh of the patrons standing around me. The silence was broken by the rich timbre of a sexy voice that I would recognize anywhere. "Report." The voice cracked out with authority and my panties went damp.

"Boss! All present and accounted for! Sir!" The six men responded, their deep voices ringing through the club. They still hadn't moved and the owner of the voice had yet to appear.

"Men, this mission is delicate, dangerous, and life changing. You will use all your strength, knowledge, and experience to survive. You've served your country well, guarded each others' backs through some of the most dangerous situations, but nothing has prepared you for this." There still hadn't been a sound from the club, everyone hanging on the words the sexy voice was speaking. I was trying to remember how to breathe. I'm not sure I even remembered how to speak. The voice continued, "Are you ready men?"

"Sir! Yes Sir!" The six Merry Men shouted.

"Hoorah!" The voice said.

The lights on the stage changed to bright club colors that started strobing at the same time as a thick beat came through the speakers and Peaches' "_Fuck the Pain Away_" filled the club. The Merry Men dropped to the ground in perfect push up position and began hopping over each other in time with the bass. Almost as one they jumped back up ripped their shirts from their bodies, baring their rippling chests of solid muscle. The crowd went wild, catcalls screamed out from around me. I noticed the piercings on my favorite Merry Men. Every one of them had their nipples pierced. Holy. Mother. Of. God. How did I not know about this? I found myself licking my lips as the lights flashed along their glistening skin. I knew the guys were well built, and I'd even seen them shirtless before, but nothing prepared me for the way they looked gyrating and undulating to the music.

I was in awe as the Merry Men continued to dance to the music and felt my pulse jump every time they showed their break dancing skills. Their shoulder muscles would flex, their biceps expand, and their beautiful six packs would ripple. If I weren't in love with their boss I would be hard pressed not to tackle each one of them and lick chocolate off each individual ab muscle. Wow.

As the song was coming to an end they formed back into a line with their backs to the crowd and did a military about face so the crowd was blessed with a view of their very admirable...assets. In a single motion I watched as they grabbed their pants and tore them from their bodies. The collective gasp from the crowd was like a tidal wave. The force made my breath catch and I giggled. Holy Shit. There they stood, clad in nothing but tight black speedos and their black boots. I hoped someone was recording this. I needed to relive this over, and over, and over.

The beginning of the next song blended with the end of the last and suddenly there he was. My very own man of mystery. Batman in the flesh. His body was covered in a painted on black tee-shirt, black cargos that hugged him like skin and his black boots. My world stopped spinning when I realized that the voice singing "I Love You", wasn't Chris Brown, but was actually Ranger. Holy hotcakes! Why did I even bother wearing panties?

I watched as he removed the leather strap from his hair letting all the silky blackness fall around his shoulders. My hands itched to run through it, tangle the silk around my fingers and pull his full lips against mine. The crowd was silent again. If I could glance around I know that the mouth of every woman would be open. Ranger is sex walking. He's still fully clothed, but his effect was so much more powerful.

When he reached the center of the stage he walked down the steps still singing. Our eyes locked and my breath left me. The brown depths had turned into black pools the closer he got to me. I was lost in his eyes and had no desire to find myself. The large hands that so often comforted me, pushed my hair from my face, and incited my body to melt reached behind his head and removed his shirt in one smooth move.

He beckoned me with his finger and I was helpless. My legs moved me toward him without conscious thought. When I was in front of him he looped his shirt around my neck using it to bring me even closer. The crowd behind me was clapping and yelling—the catcalls were the loudest I'd ever heard—but I couldn't focus. My world pinpointed at the beautiful man in front of me. The rest of the world no longer existed.

Walking backward he led me up the steps to the stage. His voice washed over me, his breath tickling over my skin producing goose bumps. My hands had a mind of their own and ran down his chest slowly. I rubbed my thumbs across his nipples before my fingers trailed along his ribs and outlined each individual ab muscle. His body was like a work of art, created by hand and completely one of a kind.

I felt him move back from my hands, trailing his long, strong fingers along my arms as he slowly walked around me, moving his hips in a slow sensual motion that reminded me of that one amazing night. My body shivered in anticipation as I felt his bare chest brush against my equally bare back. Thank goodness I decided to wear a backless shirt. I tried to hold in the groan that wanted to escape when I felt his erection press into my lower back before he brushed his lips along my neck.

He flipped me around to face him placing his large warm hands on either side of my face bringing me close while he sang "_I done met a lot of girls in my life, but they not like you noo I done been with the best and baby you da best of the best you da greatest."_ He pushed me down into a chair that I hadn't noticed was on the stage. He walked away from me still singing, moving his body in ways that made me want to do nothing more than lick him. I watched as he wrapped those talented fingers around the sides of his cargos and rip them from his body in one smooth motion.

I'm sure I would have been drooling if my mouth hadn't been completely dry. Normally Ranger went commando, and for once I was completely thankful that he was wearing black speedos. I really didn't want to have to kill every woman in the club, so the speedos were a good choice. They accented his firm ass and left little to the imagination as to how perfect he was....everywhere. I'd long since tuned out the crowd but I knew what their reaction would be. I just knew that I was having a really hard time breathing. I was suddenly very glad that I was sitting down.

What could have been minutes or hours later Ranger came back towards me like a panther on the prowl, all grace and elegance. He knelt down in front of me, once again placing a hand on either side of my face and sang "_Whatever it is I'm satisfied I don't want you to ever change, cuz baby you got me and that's no lie, Imma stay right here with my baby and I don't know why ..."_

The last notes of the song faded away and the crowd was so quiet it was like they'd disappeared. Ranger hadn't released my face yet, and was looking into my eyes. I could see every feeling, every emotion, every though as it ran through his eyes. His blank mask was missing and he was completely open to me. I felt my heart swell, and I nervously flicked my tongue across my bottom lip, watching in amazement when his eyes grew darker and he let out a shaking breath.

"Babe." He said, his voice barely a whisper.

"Ranger." I responded. I was lucky I was able to get that word out without squeaking. This man was magic and I was completely powerless.

His lip quirked up in his sort of smile and he spoke again, "Stephanie, someday is now." My eyes widened and I'm pretty sure I forgot to breathe again. Did he mean what I thought? I opened my mouth to say something. What, I don't know, but he placed a finger to my lips and said, "Marry me, Babe. Be mine for always. Be my partner, my best friend, my lover, my wife....Please."

Before I could say anything there was a loud voice that sounded like Tank, "About Face!" I glanced over at my six favorite Merry Men and had to do a double take. Each of their very firm, nicely packaged asses, was a single letter. They spelled, _Say Yes._

I couldn't help but laugh. "How could I say no after a show like that?" I asked, giggling. Ranger just lifted one perfectly arched eye brow, waiting. "Yes, Carlos. Yes, I'll marry you. I'll be your partner, your best friend, your lover, and your wife. On one condition."

"Anything." He said.

"You show me the champagne room."

"Done." He said showing me his full wolf grin.

Suddenly we were surrounded by Merry Men. I was passed around to my new family receiving kisses from each one before Ranger took me back into his arms. "I love you, Stephanie Michelle Plum."

"And I love you Ricardo Carlos Manoso."

The DJ's voice came over the speakers, "Let's hear it for _Ranger and His Merry Men_! Happy Birthday Stephanie!"

An hour later after accepting congratulations from various well wishers, dancing with Ranger and each of the Merry Men, and enjoying the love of my good friends, I leaned whispered in Ranger's ear, "So, about the champagne room...."

The End... at least for now. _  
_


End file.
